QANTAS Pilot Joke !!!

[csv8]

A man was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the

plane was diverted to Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant

explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted

to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes.

Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind. The man

had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind

because her Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front

of her throughout the entire flight.

He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the

pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, "Kathy, we are

in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and

stretch your > legs?" The blind lady replied, "No thanks, but maybe

my dog would like to stretch his legs."

Picture this:

All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when

they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye dog!

The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not

only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!

True story.... Have a great day and remember...

[Outbackjack]

Chuckle, chuckle...... good one. :

[Pedro]

Talking about Qantas ....

Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the Solutions Recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

--------------------------------------------------

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

[Mental]

ROFLMAO thats gold

[flappist]

Originally Posted by csv8

A man was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the

plane was diverted to Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant

explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted

to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes.

Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind. The man

had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind

because her Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front

of her throughout the entire flight.

He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the

pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, "Kathy, we are

in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and

stretch your > legs?" The blind lady replied, "No thanks, but maybe

my dog would like to stretch his legs."

Picture this:

All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when

they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye dog!

The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not

only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!

True story.... Have a great day and remember...

Yeh right. Sorry that story is older than God. I have heard it a dozen times naming different ports, different airlines and different people.
First minor hole is that QANTAS do not fly to either Seattle OR San Francisco although they used to years ago but from Sydney not Seattle.

But like all these urban myths it sure makes a good story.

[EA2BA]

yeah they are all funny, but completely untrue, good for a laugh.

[plext]

Second hole is that all dogs, even guide dogs, must fly in the hold.

[Ringo]

Ummmm seeing eye dog flying inside the plane? I don't think so. I really don't think so.

[Scott]

Ummmm, since when are blind people called Kathy?

[xwgasaxe]

Originally Posted by GTP006

Ummmm, since when are blind people called Kathy?

EYE AYE captain!!

[XA Coupsta]

Originally Posted by Ringo

Ummmm seeing eye dog flying inside the plane? I don't think so. I really don't think so.

They sure do.

I know for a fact domestic flights in Australia they do anyway. Cant comment on international.

[GT-E]

Hate to break it to you guys, but dogs CAN fly in the cabin on domestic routes in the USA.
The dog will either be under the seat, on their lap or in a dog bag.
We are only talking about small dogs, like maltese, chuiuia, etc.

[csv8]

So, I cann't take my St Bernard ?

[XRCISM]

Thanks for the laughs guys

[Scott]

Originally Posted by csv8

So, I cann't take my St Bernard ?

Only if you are a Uruguay Rugby player travelling to Santiago over the Andes in which case I not only suggest a St Bernard but some space sticks too.

[Laminge]

Have to agree, needed that laugh

[thefargo]

chihuahua as a seeing eye dog?

[uranium_death]

That gripe sheet thing was awesome.

Good work!

[Miss_XR6]

Originally Posted by ZapXR6T

Hate to break it to you guys, but dogs CAN fly in the cabin on domestic routes in the USA.
The dog will either be under the seat, on their lap or in a dog bag.
We are only talking about small dogs, like maltese, chuiuia, etc.

other size dogs are allowed depending on the breed
st bernards no but you can get boston terriers, staffys and other medium size dogs on planes in the usa as well.. depends on the carrier as they all have different rules into which breeds they will accept and not

[Go baby Go]

Originally Posted by flappist

Yeh right. Sorry that story is older than God. I have heard it a dozen times naming different ports, different airlines and different people.
First minor hole is that QANTAS do not fly to either Seattle OR San Francisco although they used to years ago but from Sydney not Seattle.

But like all these urban myths it sure makes a good story.

Bugger the "minor hole".... as the thread name suggest- fantastic JOKE !!!! Have heard the second one before but still a great chuckle............

[ltd]

Originally Posted by flappist

Yeh right. Sorry that story is older than God. I have heard it a dozen times naming different ports, different airlines and different people.
First minor hole is that QANTAS do not fly to either Seattle OR San Francisco although they used to years ago but from Sydney not Seattle.

But like all these urban myths it sure makes a good story.

Exactly, and so is the "gripe sheet".
I am in the industry and I can tell you there aint no such thing as a gripe sheet.
It is actually a spin off from various US air force maintenance releases. That's why the engine missing is actually referring to a reciprocating piston engine, and why the target radar doesn't make sense as 747's don't have air to air missiles requiring targeting radar.
As for the maintenance release, pilot reports a problem encountered during flight and after shutdown fills out a what is essentially a logbook so that maintenance can be carried out. It also serves as a warning for any other pilots using the equipment finding out pre flight if something is wrong and what action has been taken. When repairs and maintenance is done it is filled in on the maintenance release by the engineer to alert the pilot of what action has been taken.
This joke has been used for; Qantas, Virgin, RAAF, NZAF, RAF, USAF, American Airlines, Delta, Continental, Emirates, etc etc etc.
Sorry to be a kill joy but have heard it way to many times.

[Felony]

GOLD!!!!! Can you imagine the peoples faces, lol

[Sledgehammer]

Originally Posted by Pedro

Talking about Qantas ....

Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the Solutions Recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

--------------------------------------------------

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Still on floor laughing.......Well done

[GasoLane]

Originally Posted by Pedro

Talking about Qantas ....

Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the Solutions Recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

Close, but no cigar. That came out a few years ago supposedly from the USAF.
One giveaway would be "P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics." Why would Qantas want target radar other than to shoot down Virgin planes?

[Scott]

Just looked this up out of interest and it seems these day's you can fly Qantas direct from Sydney to San Francisco. Qantas use Alaska Airlines to do their work to/from Seattle.

Compare fare typesFlights Out: Sydney to San Francisco - Fri 26 Jan07 From To Flight Duration

15:35 Sydney 10:00 San Francisco QF73 13h 25m $1848 $2125

And this quote:

With the exception of service dogs, pets cannot be carried in the passenger cabin of the aircraft.

[ltd]

Then the joke should have said "Alaska Pilot Joke"