Hard Lesson

[Keepleft]

Originally Posted by FPV+fteT3

My daughter who is now 18 and has been working fulltime for the last year as a junior in a large law firm brings home about $350 pw. Lives at home FOC as in no board etc got her P's 4 wks ago

* Hope she sticks with the law firm a while.

With small incidents like this, I'd tend to take son/daughter to my local chap at Dora Creek and speak to the man direct; *insert small talk* - 'how much to fix this thing with cash'?

Usually cheaper by the hundred/s - than quoted routine insurance work. In my example, they take cash payment cars in on Tuesday and return same on Friday when the bill is then paid.

Lesson being, the son/daughter experiences it all, and then can pay <you or them> in full or part - whatever...

[duaned]

Originally Posted by Barry_v

be nice to your kids. they decide which old folks home you go to.

Yes, and if that was the case, I would re-consider who's pocket the inheritance would be going to!

[bob^]

Mate my missus even said you are doing the right thing by making her pay

[phillyc]

I dented my mum's Laser Horizon (which was a newish car) when I lived with her whilst driving on my way to Uni. Terrible conditions and I changed lanes into someone who was in my blindspot (who had a bullbar.) The damage was to the rear drivers door skin, and a tiny crease on the front door.

The damage meant either $750 for insurance, plus increased premium. Or pay about $400 fixed directly. We went the latter. I paid half, but at the time, I was also paying half my Austudy for board. I was getting only about $170 a fortnight on Austudy. So, it took several months to pay off!

I'm glad your daughter has offered to pay, I do think that was the right thing.

About the board, I think it's fair if your daughter pays about 1/3rd of her income. Then say, i'll dollar match you for a deposit on either a car or home. Taking that money from the board she pays over the next 'insert period'. Both you and her will be winners. Bearing in mind, $200 plus to still throw around is alot.

Doing similar to that, I bought my first home at age 21. Never looked back.

[MITCHAY]

She was using the car, she coughs up the money to fix it.

[Feathers]

Up to you what you get her to pay for the car repairs, but I'd definitely be starting to make her pay board.

I pay board to live at home, as I don't think it's fair that my Dad works 15-16 hours a day, 7 days a week to provide for us, when I am earning money and can contribute to ease the burden on him.

[gtfpv]

cant believe all the get her to pay half crap.
do you think if she rents a house , she can get the owner to pay half the rent because its the owners house . some of you kids really need to grow up. if you guys think this way you are in for a real shock when you start living in the real world , and start paying full price for everything and i mean everything in your life .
the house i'm living in i built , the cars i'm driving i bought , the food i eat i buy , the light i switch on when its dark , guess what , i bought the light bulb and pay for the electricity, the grass that i mow and walk on i bought , and guess what i payed full price for all and everybit of it . when i buy my groceries i donrt offer or ecpect to pay half of the price. life just isnt like that .
what or how do you people conclude that half price is a fair call for your responsibility . i'm dumb founded . shes already driving the car for free and living for free. and you guys think she should only contribute half the repair bill . somebody give me an upper cut and wake my up , please , i must be dreaming .

[mik]

Originally Posted by FPV+fteT3

My daughter who is now 18 and has been working fulltime for the last year as a junior in a large law firm brings home about $350 pw. Lives at home FOC as in no board etc got her P's 4 wks ago has not managed to save anything of her pay in a year when asked where the money is spent "I buy stuff with it " well i said you can use the subaru dont bend it or you will fix it (02impreza).

Last thurs night she went to glendale shopping centre to buy more stuff and someone as they do has ploughed into the lhf guard of the subie and buggered off. Kate is upset but as I said you chose to go there you parked the car in the wrong place obviously, so you will now pay to repair it. Quoted $1037.95 I said why do you think when I take the car to the shops we park so far away etc..... I wonder if this will teach her the value of things or is it just the generation that has no idea?

i`m with you mate , its a big responsability driving someone else`s car and, i would think that if i lent my car to who ever it would be would treat it like gold the way i do, and not park it in risky places....the way i don`t, call it a life lesson.

[SNB05T]

Originally Posted by FPV+fteT3

My daughter who is now 18 and has been working fulltime for the last year as a junior in a large law firm brings home about $350 pw. Lives at home FOC as in no board etc got her P's 4 wks ago has not managed to save anything of her pay in a year when asked where the money is spent "I buy stuff with it " well i said you can use the subaru dont bend it or you will fix it (02impreza).

Last thurs night she went to glendale shopping centre to buy more stuff and someone as they do has ploughed into the lhf guard of the subie and buggered off. Kate is upset but as I said you chose to go there you parked the car in the wrong place obviously, so you will now pay to repair it. Quoted $1037.95 I said why do you think when I take the car to the shops we park so far away etc..... I wonder if this will teach her the value of things or is it just the generation that has no idea?

im in two minds here, yeah it is a bit too far, but you did state the rules for using the car.
i did the same thing to my dad's patrol (which was his work car too) at toronto coles (when the old one was there). not only did i not tell him, one of his workmates was in the area and saw the car with the p's on it and the damage so i copped it from both sides when he found out

once i apologised and fixed it up, he was ok just cut that i didn't tell him straight away.
i'd say your daughter has learnt her lesson (the hard way too) and regrets what happened, but thats the way you learn things.

Can u be certain that someone else hit her?
Seems rather conveinant that the other guy ****ed off don't you think

i know the shopping centre well (i used to work at bakers delight there) 98% of the people in the car park don't care about other peoples car let alone their own. we watched a guy reverse into another car (at speed) look at it, laugh, and then drive off. luckily a workmate got his rego and gave it to the owner..

what panel shop did you go to?

[LOWBA6]

I think considering it was just one of them little accidents that happens and she has said she wants it fixed and is willing to pay for it to be done, is pretty responsible. Maybe offer to meet her half way in the cost of the repairs on the condition that she starts to put money away each week? I know if i was in that position with no money my old man would probably pay the bill up front and let me pay it off over time. When i first got my license i had a lot of troubles with my car, he paid all of the bills up front and never asked for a cent. Only because there was no way i would ever be able to afford to repay him for it. Now its different, i have a Full time job, I dont pay board but the condition of that is that i got a loan and bought a car to establish a credit rating.

[XR8GRL]

Originally Posted by gtfpv

i'm going against the opinions of this thread so far . i think she should pay for what you made clear before she drove it . you arent being harsh on her at all . she is working full time, living free, driving your car , and saving nothing ! she has no value of things at all. the accident wasnt her fault , so what, if it was you driving and parked there, youd have to pay for the damage, what makes her any differant.
you havent tought her to be responsible with money . but you now are by the sound of things . well done . i think your teaching her a good lesson for her own well being. cheers

I agree.

[Bent8]

Originally Posted by FPV+fteT3

My daughter who is now 18 and has been working fulltime for the last year as a junior in a large law firm brings home about $350 pw. Lives at home FOC as in no board etc got her P's 4 wks ago has not managed to save anything of her pay in a year when asked where the money is spent "I buy stuff with it " well i said you can use the subaru dont bend it or you will fix it (02impreza).

Last thurs night she went to glendale shopping centre to buy more stuff and someone as they do has ploughed into the lhf guard of the subie and buggered off. Kate is upset but as I said you chose to go there you parked the car in the wrong place obviously, so you will now pay to repair it. Quoted $1037.95 I said why do you think when I take the car to the shops we park so far away etc..... I wonder if this will teach her the value of things or is it just the generation that has no idea?

Go halves on the excess mate.

Then you won't feel guilty for being too hard on her, and she won't feel bad for nearly wrecking your car and getting away with it!

While the law considers an 18 year old to be of "adult" age, your daughter is nowhere near acting like an adult, so go easy and it will turn out for the best.

Most importantly, don't put money before family. No matter how unfair the world is out there, your family is the most important thing you have.

Good luck!

[Wally]

Originally Posted by FPV+fteT3

My daughter who is now 18 and has been working fulltime for the last year as a junior in a large law firm brings home about $350 pw. Lives at home FOC as in no board etc got her P's 4 wks ago has not managed to save anything of her pay in a year when asked where the money is spent "I buy stuff with it " well i said you can use the subaru dont bend it or you will fix it (02impreza).

Last thurs night she went to glendale shopping centre to buy more stuff and someone as they do has ploughed into the lhf guard of the subie and buggered off. Kate is upset but as I said you chose to go there you parked the car in the wrong place obviously, so you will now pay to repair it. Quoted $1037.95 I said why do you think when I take the car to the shops we park so far away etc..... I wonder if this will teach her the value of things or is it just the generation that has no idea?

I guess if she's prepared to cough up the dough when you take the car out and it gets damaged you could relax the conditions, but that's highly unlikely.

To the rest of you bleeding hearts, the car won't fix itself so someone has to pay, why should it be dear ol' dad? If the car hadn't been taken out it most likely wouldn't need repair. Kate might be upset, but upset doesn't have any monetary reward.

FPV+fteT3, I made a quip to my wife this evening that if this generation had the nouse to actually get of their **** to protest for civil liberties like mine did in the sixties/seventies, they ask mum and dad to do it for them. :evil3:

[gcg2503]

Originally Posted by Bent8

Go halves on the excess mate.

Then you won't feel guilty for being too hard on her, and she won't feel bad for nearly wrecking your car and getting away with it!

While the law considers an 18 year old to be of "adult" age, your daughter is nowhere near acting like an adult, so go easy and it will turn out for the best.

Most importantly, don't put money before family. No matter how unfair the world is out there, your family is the most important thing you have.

Good luck!

well said bent8 couldnt agree with you more

[POELWYK]

make her pay

Im 19 now *got p's at 18*
I worked for a year before i got my p's.
i was on 350 a week and still going to school i had money to go out and have fun on the weekends and when it was time to buy my car i had 6,000 odd $$$ saved up i did not get a free ride i have to work to get anything i find it only fair

and now im still paying to try and get what i whant now that im at tafe i havent been able to work so im liveing off $115 a week and im able to still live and buy things for my car

shes getting 350 a week she sould have no probs putting money away and pay for what has happend yes u sould help her out but thats only upto you on that one

[388cube_edxr8]

Originally Posted by whynot

Based on the information provided, I think that you are being way too harsh.

A few points to consider ...

Firstly, the cognitive skill in humans for rational decision making is not fully developed until around 23 years (females mature earlier around 21, males somewhat later around 23). So ability to see how obscure actions may develop into consequences is just not there (yet).

Second, a rational human can accept that there are a number of possible outcomes from parking in a shopping centre. While we accept that there is an elevated risk of something happing, most of the time, nothing happens. Most mature adults would have trouble finding issue with your daughter’s actions. (I let my daughter park our new Mazda 3 in cark parks. Yes, I do hold my breath sometimes. But, you cannot wrap them up in cotton wool all of their lives.)

As an aside, I can recall years ago, a group of teenage boys use to go hunting through the remote areas of the car park at Brookside. They were specifically looking for nice cars that their owners had deliberately parked away from other vehicles, so they could damage them. Needless to say, their lack of cognitive ability blinded them to the possibility that they could only get away with it a few times before the police were waiting.

Third, when these things happen, particularly when we perceive that others are not taking responsibility for their actions, we often get angry. In this case, you cannot direct your anger to the correct target. So, you appear to be displacing this anger towards the nearest available target – your daughter. On reflection, and only you can make this judgement, is this particularly fair?

Fourth, there appears to be other issues here that are annoying you (e.g. the kid having income and no free cash). Once again, is your true source of anger this accident, or are there deeper issues that require some discussion and resolution.

Fifth, as an exercise, try and remember what it was like when you where younger.

Agree 100% mate. Was thinking just that but unfortunately I'm not clever enough to put it into words.

[GTpilot]

Has she said...
"Don't worry Dad, It'll buff out!!" :

[martyauxr8ute]

20 bucks a week for a year, cheap, and its paid for. easy

[gtfpv]

Originally Posted by whynot

Based on the information provided, I think that you are being way too harsh.

A few points to consider ...

Firstly, the cognitive skill in humans for rational decision making is not fully developed until around 23 years (females mature earlier around 21, males somewhat later around 23). So ability to see how obscure actions may develop into consequences is just not there (yet).

Second, a rational human can accept that there are a number of possible outcomes from parking in a shopping centre. While we accept that there is an elevated risk of something happing, most of the time, nothing happens. Most mature adults would have trouble finding issue with your daughter’s actions. (I let my daughter park our new Mazda 3 in cark parks. Yes, I do hold my breath sometimes. But, you cannot wrap them up in cotton wool all of their lives.)

As an aside, I can recall years ago, a group of teenage boys use to go hunting through the remote areas of the car park at Brookside. They were specifically looking for nice cars that their owners had deliberately parked away from other vehicles, so they could damage them. Needless to say, their lack of cognitive ability blinded them to the possibility that they could only get away with it a few times before the police were waiting.

Third, when these things happen, particularly when we perceive that others are not taking responsibility for their actions, we often get angry. In this case, you cannot direct your anger to the correct target. So, you appear to be displacing this anger towards the nearest available target – your daughter. On reflection, and only you can make this judgement, is this particularly fair?

Fourth, there appears to be other issues here that are annoying you (e.g. the kid having income and no free cash). Once again, is your true source of anger this accident, or are there deeper issues that require some discussion and resolution.

Fifth, as an exercise, try and remember what it was like when you where younger.

hahahahahahaha LOL i'd like to see you try and explain that one to an INSURANCE COMPANY. = straight to the maximum excess, or , i'm sorry sir try another insurance commpany. THERE IS ENOUGH bull sheet in this post to create global warming you funny little cherrub .

[PimpMyHubcap]

Originally Posted by gtfpv

hahahahahahaha LOL i'd like to see you try and explain that one to an INSURANCE COMPANY. = straight to the maximum excess, or , i'm sorry sir try another insurance commpany. THERE IS ENOUGH bull sheet in this post to create global warming you funny little cherrub .

+ 520 millions to you gtfpv

Cheers
Mick

[SB076]

Slightly different approach - I think it depends on the kid - as a parent (I am not one yet - two months to go) I think you are trying to bring your kid up as best you can - part of this journey involves mistakes and learning from them.

If you think your daughter could use a lesson in responsiblity and being trusted with things then make her pay (some or all - your call - put it down as a lesson to be learnt, the amount of money you are talking isnt going to change her financial situation for years to come)

However if you think your daughter does take responsiblity for her actions you might decide to let her off.

[FPV+fteT3]

Originally Posted by jgb

Has she said...
"Don't worry Dad, It'll buff out!!" :

She bought some polish and polished off all the white.........she said it looks better .........

[Ibrox90]

I think the main reason for myself and others agreeing with the harsh option is her attitude towards it.

Amazingly no one has even thought about what I said

"Can you be certain shes not lying??"

[Chilla]

Your daughter has offered to pay, great. Shows maturity. Now her finances, or lack thereof. Earns $350 a week. Lets surmise that,s after tax, if not the following can be revised downwards.
1/ board...$20 per day...$140 per week.
2/ banking...$100 per week...= $5200 + interest ( 1st year).
3/ Balance of $110...lunch, fares, outings, "STUFF".
Total $350

Would work for me!

[SLO AU XR8]

$140/wk is a bit steep for board. I payed 10% of my income (I was on $550wk). But, on the other hand, I paid cash for an EF Fairmont AND an AU XR8 within 6 weeks of each other. I think what your initial plan was is spot on. I smashed my old man's Mk2 Cortina, I payed the whole amount to fix it. You have the car, YOU PAY for anything that happens in that time.

[ltd]

Originally Posted by gtfpv

i'm going against the opinions of this thread so far . i think she should pay for what you made clear before she drove it . you arent being harsh on her at all . she is working full time, living free, driving your car , and saving nothing ! she has no value of things at all. the accident wasnt her fault , so what, if it was you driving and parked there, youd have to pay for the damage, what makes her any differant.
you havent tought her to be responsible with money . but you now are by the sound of things . well done . i think your teaching her a good lesson for her own well being. cheers

100% correct.
See how quickly she values things after this. It will also teach her some responsibility.
If you'd like to help her out and think it may be a tad harsh, make her pay for the damage and put maybe $500 aside for her to deposit money into to buy her own car. This way she will also have an incentive to save.

[ltd]

Originally Posted by martyauxr8ute

20 bucks a week for a year, cheap, and its paid for. easy

A mate of mine got a job flying for some regional freight mob about 2 years ago and in the process of not reading the checklist and starting up the no.2 engine, cooked a turbine. It's still in arbitration as it is about US$400K for a PT6 engine.
His offer, 30 dollars a week until it's paid off.
Sadly, I don't think it will take a year.

[ea90gl]

I think a 50/50 split on payment would be the best way to go, as somebody has allready mentioned that way you wont feel bad for being too harsh and your daughter won't think it was one big free ride. Just remember she is only 18, I'm only 23 myself so I don't have experience with kids but it felt like it was only a couple of years ago I was 18 and going out doing what most kids do at that age. I had many friends and knew alot of people that were in the same situation with money, we all earnt enough but didn't save squat. I believe as you get older many things will naturally take thier course, ofcourse with the help of our parents but they do come. My parents used to try drill the value of the dollar in my head but when your out being a kid and having no expenses the last thing on your mind is for you to save because you simply don't have to. Once you grow older your bills and expenses start to pop up and you do realise at a point by yourself you can't leech of anyone anymore. There comes a point when you realise your growing up and it's time to be in control of yourself because people can only help you so much. My parents bailed me out of situations many times and didn't take one cent from me while I was at home but what I have repaid them in the help I give them around thier place has well and truly made up for that "lost" money. I guess what I'm trying to say is put the foot down when you have to just don't take it overboard, a time will come when your daughter realises what life is about whether that be through mistakes or from your teachings or even a combination of both. This is what it was like for me and many of my friends but at the same time everyone is different and you can only do so much