THE SQUIRREL & THE GRASSHOPPER

[Tribal]

THE SQUIRREL & THE GRASSHOPPER

REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:


The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and
improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks he’s a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the
Summer away.
Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the
cold.


THE END


THE AUSTRALIAN VERSION:


The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and
improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away.
Come Winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference,
and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and
well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.

Channel 9’s A Current Affair shows up to provide live coverage of the
shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his
comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.

The Australian press informs people that they should be ashamed that in
a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so
while others have plenty.

The Labor Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council
of Australia demonstrate in front of the squirrel’s house. The ABC,
interrupting a cultural festival special from St Kilda with breaking
news, broadcasts a multi-cultural choir singing “We Shall Overcome”.

Bill Shorten rants in an interview with Laurie Oakes that the squirrel
has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax
hike on the squirrel to make him pay his “fair share” and increases the
charge for squirrels to enter the city centre.

In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the
Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to
the beginning of the summer. The squirrel’s taxes are reassessed. He is
taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders, for
the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt
when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.

The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish
it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile.
The squirrel’s food is seized and re distributed to the more needy members
of society, in this case the grasshopper.

Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly
imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building
a new home.

The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary
home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Australia
as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried
to blow up the airport because of Australians apparent love of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and
attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed
them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to then
return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared
they would face death by the mice.

The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from peoples credit cards.
A 60 Minutes special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the
squirrel’s food, though Spring is still months away, while the council house he
is in, crumbles around him because he hasn’t bothered to maintain the house.
He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for
the grasshopper’s drug “illness”.

The cats seek recompense in the Australian courts for their treatment since
arrival in Australia.

The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to
get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately
because he has been in custody for a few weeks.

He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise
him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.
A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost $10,000,000 and state the
obvious, is set up.

Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for
grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is
increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for
enriching Australia’s multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the
government for failing to befriend the cats.

The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press
blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of
despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison.
They call for the resignation of a minister.

The cats are paid a million dollars each because their rights were infringed
when the government failed to inform them there were mice in Australia.

The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the
burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit
cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order and
they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in
government funds.

THE END